Friday, February 27, 2015

The Lanes of Desire



Come ride on trains with me, and we’ll go somewhere new. Sit across from me, and let’s look out the window at all the new landscapes rushing by as the sun casts a glow on our cheeks. Where are we going? To a city where we can amble along the river and take pictures of statues we don’t recognize. To a rustic village with thatched roofs and honeysuckle, where the air smells of apples and the fresh earth. We can sit in meadows by long-forgotten streams and watch the wispy clouds pass, their changing shapes keeping time with our hearts. The wind rustles the grass and tickles our skin and this is bliss, this is contentment, and I just want to explore with you.

So come sit on planes with me. Watch the hues of greens and blues and whites come into focus and become lakes, fields, and houses. Feel the change in the air as we exit the sliding glass doors and step into a new world. A bus will take us into the city, and we’ll watch as rolling hills change into streets and avenues and promenades. The night — foreign and new — is waiting for us. In the early hours of the morning when we've finally had our fill of music, wine, and conversation with strangers we’ll come back to the sleeping hostel past curfew and pour ourselves into tiny beds and fresh sheets. I just want to explore with you.

So come climb into the passenger seat with me, and let’s take off. We can have the wind in our hair and nothing but the highway in front of us. We’ll go on until we’re standing at the beach in our jackets and watching the birds dipping and diving, with the smell of the ocean in front of us. We’re outlaws, pioneers, lovers, companions, triers of new things, witnesses of god or whatever it is we think we see out there. We have open eyes, salt in our hair, and we won’t talk, we won’t touch, we’ll just be there, and we’ll be in love, not with each other, but with the unknown, with the things we can’t see and don’t understand. I just want to explore with you.

Come do this with me because I want to explore with you. I want to see new things with you, to wander alongside you with our eyes as wide as children’s and our hearts just as free. I want to walk next to you down roads we've never walked on before and hear words we've never heard spoken before. We will touch things, taste things, and it will all be new. You’ll be new, and so will I. It doesn't matter that I don’t know you, that I've never met you before, but I saw you today on the street — just for a moment, just before you turned the corner — and I want to explore with you.

[Image: Paul Hill Photography]

Monday, October 27, 2014

The Lullaby of the Damned








It was a silent, innocuous knock, so faint it could hardly be heard over the flakes of ash that fell from above. The sky was red- a shade so deep that it looked painted- and so it was, painted with the madness that besieged the land. Innumerable candles flickered outside and every gust of choking wind snuffed out more than a mere wick. The air was heavy with a mixture of emotions rubbed raw, like the chafing at your wrists when the rope is too tight.

Looking back, the only thing Oskar remembered from then was surprise at the incongruity of a knock at such a time. “No”, he whispered silently and then with a force born of rage and grief and despair at the sheer absurdity of it all, “No”. He leaned down and looked at her lifeless face and Oskar kissed his best friend, Eva, soft and true on her lips. Their teeth collided on the demolished world that was his now. She tasted like regret in the shadows of trees and when he pulled himself away, his hands were trembling.


A shadow flitted out from the eaves and came to stand beside the small crumpled body he was clutching to himself.  He looked up to see a single drop of tear run down from the lifeless eyes of the figure, turning to ice even as it fell, until eons later, it shattered on the cold, hard floor. There were so many things he wanted to ask Death, the countless questions piling up like propaganda. “Why us?” “Because”, she answered looking him in the eyes, “I am haunted by humans.”


[Image: Ken Matsubara, Winter Dreams - Letters, 2011]

Friday, August 2, 2013

Freedom: Ramblings









It is power. It is happiness. It is light. It is truth. It is peace.
-x-
Man is by nature a social animal. That he gravitates instinctively towards others of his kind is a marker of the fact that humans cannot exist without company. Yet, with such company comes restrictions. We are bound by what society perceives as right and wrong. We aim to fit in.
-x-
I often have a dream. It is a bright blue sky. The sun is shining. I look down and see the ground far below me. I am flying. There are no worries, no problems, and no shackles binding me. I am free.
-x-
Society is by far the greatest concept that mankind has come up with. A society preserves order. It makes man believe that every endeavour is for a reason. In a society, you aim to excel, or in other cases live by a standard set of principles that have through the years been filtered down to become the mesh of existence. By this thinking, societies are effectively self governing divisions of a single State- each bound by its own rules, customs, views and conditions. It is a safety net, which catches you before you fall.
-x-
Have you heard the story of Icarus and the wax wings? Icarus went too near the sun with his wax wings. His father Dedalus had warned him against going near the sun, his wings would melt and he would spiral down to the ground. Icarus wanted to fly, he wanted to touch the sun and so he met his end.
-x-
Society is by far also the worst concept that mankind has come up with. It is on one hand a weapon of control, where one is forced to conform- to be part of a herd of sheep. If you think about it, any society is in essence the most basic unit of a police state of mammoth proportions. Every action you take is weighed and dissected. Anything that threatens the foundations of the society you are a part of, is seen as being illegal, immoral or just plain wrong. What is wrong? A wrong is anything that is not right. That goes against the fundamental precepts that have been drilled into us from birth. What we perceive as wrong is in effect what we have been told is wrong. What we see around us, forms the example based on which we live our lives.
-x-
 In my dream, I am filled with a feeling of happiness. There are no boundaries. There is no holding back. I am flying. I can touch the sky. I am free.
-x-
It may of course be argued that this is a very minimalistic view to take of society. People, who do not wish to conform, find their ways. A few decades pass and society accepts such a community as a queer but intrinsic part of it. The whole cycle starts again. I ask you, what if there is so much more that you can do? What if breaking away from what is a safe, can lead you discover what you are capable of? Maybe, in an alternate universe, you are your own society.
-x-
I have my own wings. Unlike Icarus, I can fly as high as I want to. I am at peace. Such power makes me feel giddy. I look around me and understand what a bird feels every time it takes to the skies.
-x-
Do you see what I am driving at? Looking around, and questioning every little thing you take for granted. Understanding that the majority may be flawed. Breaking free. Being able to do as you want. Touching the sun. That is what freedom means to me.
-x-

It is flight.


[Image: http://claeis.tumblr.com/ ]

Monday, December 24, 2012

Walking Sockless Through Forgotten Memory Lanes



Diary of a 19-Year Old

I know. I’m very hard to talk to. I realise that.
I know. I said I was done with whining. I realise that.
I know. I will look at cable lines and just keep looking. I realise that.
I know. I’m holding on to some figment of my imagination. I realize that.
I know. I will hold this closer to me because it’s all I have left. I realise that.
I know. I will never completely let it sink in, because I’m scared. I realise that.
I know. I will stop doing all the things we did together, because it hurts. I realise that.
I know. I will hurt myself in so many ways because you aren’t here to stop me. I realise that.


I know. This seems to be all about me and my inability to handle this. I realise that.
I know. I come across as self-pitying, selfish, sentimental and just plain emo. I realise that.

But.

We know. That they will never know. That they will never understand. That they will search everyday for this. They realise that.
So let them laugh.  Because living is messy.  But I will run away to Venice some day. And you will be there waiting for me.

Question: Do they have internet where you are?

[Image: http://www.gracekadams.com/personal.html]